so i have this job interview coming up and im nervous as hell. i havent felt this kind of nervousness since ive asked a girl out. which means in my life ive felt this feeling a grand total of 3 times. my guess is that asking out a girl and applying for a job are the only times where i feel vulnerable and scared to be rejected.
this coming monday marks the day when my life can possibly change forever, or go back to the way it used to be. anyone who really knows me will know that i dont change much. in fact its really hard for me to change even if i wanted to. but this monday will finally mark if i finally become an adult. im really excited honestly. so excited that i cant sleep. i havent felt this awake at this time of night since i was in high school and early college. i really hope i get it.
but with that said, im also afraid. im afraid that when i start working, it may mean that ill abandon my dream. let me explain, during my young adult years, ive searched within myself and ive discovered that i have the heart of an engineer. however in my early college years, i lacked the discipline and motivation. i think ive said it before but i think it doesnt make any sense to make an 18 year old boy decide what he wants to do the rest of his life. it just concerns me that once i start working, i wont try to pursue that dream of mine anymore.
ive seen it way too often. people i once knew had dreams of becoming doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, architects, you name it. but theyve all gone the path of finding a job and letting go of those ambitions. now i dont know what theyre all thinking. they all may still be actively working towards that but honestly with having a full time job, i dont know how they can find the time.
long story short, im really excited to be interviewing for a real world job. i just hope that it doesnt stop my goal of ultimately becoming some kind of engineer.
i read somewhere someones description of hell:
“the last day on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
that really hit me for some reason. it compelled me to make sure ill be awesome regardless how i end up.
eh only time will tell
